“Be brave enough to break your own heart.”
Hi everyone and welcome to my blog.
Back in March, I did a blog post called “March Journal”. I stated in that post that I usually looked at Spring as a fresh start to a new beginning but, lately I’ve been starting to question if what I thought is still true.
With this school year coming to an end, I’ve been so caught up in the lives of my friends that I’m forgetting who I am.
The effect of me not knowing who I am anymore has had an odd but huge impact on my mood. I’ve been going through high highs of happiness in the mornings and during the afternoon but, once I leave my friends I’m being hit with the lowest of lows.
I’ve come to conclusion that maybe it’s because I’m so caught up in their lives that my own mind seems to think I’m living as them. So, when I leave them my mind realizes I’m not them and I end up with “withdrawals” from not living their lives.
As every night passed by, I started to feel my heart strain and hurt more and more. As every night passed by, I started realizing that I’m hurting because I couldn’t find myself.
Without myself I couldn’t see breathe. I felt as if every bad thing in my life decided to hit me like a hurricane.
I was never one to cry but, for some reason only tears knew how to leave my eyes.
Finally, I got sick of having to give into such little when I should just let go of so much more.
The girl I used to be was trapped in a box she didn’t ask to be put in and it was up to me to get her back.
In order to do this, things had to change.
As everyone knows change in life isn’t always easy. Especially when you’ve adapted to so much. But instead of changing the biggest parts, I received to start little. After all if you wanna make a big change you’ve gotta start small.
So step by step this is what I did…
1. I had to change my morning routine.
Every morning, for most of my teen life, I had to wake up early to beat the school bell.
For me, waking up is a tough task because it really affects my mood for the entire day.
So, I’ve learned a new trick. I started waking up 3-5 minutes before I’m actually supposed to. That way I can spend a bit of time on my phone or just laying down in bed.
The next task in the morning, was always breakfast.
I’m usually always the type of person who throws whatever junk I found in my kitchen on a plate and called it breakfast.
Now, I take the time to actually think about what I’m going to be putting into my body. Usually for breakfast now every morning I have some kind of fruit or oatmeal and a cup of water.
I read that water is known to wake you up in the morning and it is an a lot better substance to be the first thing in your body than coffee.
2. I had to stop caring.
Your friends drama isn’t your drama.
I had to stop caring about drama in general. Drama doesn’t do anyone any good and the more people who get involved the bigger it gets.
3. I had to give up on wanting more.
With my brain over stressing itself I started going over the things I’m grateful for. Not just vague things like family but specific things like my mom and my grandma.
After going down a long list i saw that I already had everything that I needed. I didn’t need more. I shouldn’t want more. I shouldn’t want nothing less either.
With these 3 changes in my life I learned so much that I didn’t know before.
1. Music is truly a remedy for broken hearts.
Music truly and honestly made me feel as if I’m not alone. It takes my emotions and throws them out of the planet. Anything that can take your sadness and turn it to a feeling of wanting to dance is something to keep.
2. In times that you feel alone or lost, it’s up to you to get yourself back.
You know yourself the best. You’re the only person who’ll know how to find yourself in times of feeling lost.
3. Only you can write your life. No one else possesses that power. You control which path you take.
Now I know that this was a pretty long ramble. But, writing is my way of getting so much off my chest. It’s my way of showing myself that I’ve changed and that I’m going to be okay.
I hope you understood this odd rant because I kind of felt as if I was going off topic for some parts. These are just somethings that have been on my mind for a while.
If you need to talk I’m always here as well as of twitter and Instagram. And as for any questions I’ll answer them as best I possibly could.
As always I hope you have an amazing day or night wherever you are. And in case no one’s told you today, I think you’re beautiful inside and out.
“Be the rainbow in somebody else’s cloud!” – Maya Angelou